Things will not be the same anymore

Life is a roller coaster ride. It has its highs and lows...I'd always known about it but never knew it could give both at the same time..I am happy as well as sad. I am rejoicing because Ive made a great career move but I am sad because to achieve that, I have to leave some people who are extremely close to me. I know they will always be there..in my conscience, at the back of my mind, in my smile but they won't be there physically. I won't see them regularly, spend the whole day with them..I will miss those petty fights, those hugs, those lunch hours and those lovely smiles :( The hours that formed the soul of our existence...the time we would look forward to, each day. Even though we didn't speak much during the whole day but atleast there was this comfort that we are together..but now things are going to change.

They keep telling me that we would still be together but its really not possible. Those daily meetings will turn into daily phone calls, the daily phone calls to rare visits and then to rare calls. And I don't blame anyone for it...it is not because we won't want to meet but because time wouldn't permit it. They will be busy in their sphere of work and I will get acquainted to mine. But I will feel really lonely..the Ann who could never sit on her seat for more than 15 minutes without seeing her pals will be spending days without them. Its scary to even think about it, even though its too early feel that way. I am trying to put up a really brave face but the fact is that I am scared. How will it be without them? What will I do without Suru, Raman and Shiv? Who would tease me or comfort me when I will feel all alone?

Today I decided that if things can't change I have to change myself..I decided that I would learn to make my on way, without they being at my side..I would learn to live alone. But things are not favourable. My first step failed..I went wrong...Pals I know I was wrong but I was just trying to do things alone..Hope you guys will try to understand what I am going through. I can't tell you but hope you will understand. Well, I've dared to move out from my comfort zone, and I hope all will be well.

India - after sixty years

Even as the media raves about “India getting sexy at sixty,” a report by the state-run National Commission for Enterprises in the Unorganised Sector (NCEUS) reveals that 77% of Indians – more than 800 million people – live on less than half a dollar (about Rs 20) a day! The break-up of these figures is even more shocking - 6.4% live on less than Rs. 9 per day, 15.4% live on Rs 9-12 per day, 19% on Rs. 12-15 per day and 36% between rs 15-20 per day.

And this is not a report by an NGO, but by a state-run body.

The next time someone tells me about the booming Indian economy or "our amazing rate of 8 per cent plus economic growth," he or she will have to excuse me for bursting into laughter.

A few (two) good ladies!

They are a pretty odd duo. One chatters away endlessly, the other is quiet. One cannot sit (or even stand) still for more than a few seconds. The other specialises in minimal movement. One laughs endlessly, the other rations her smiles. The one thing they have in common is that they work in the same organisation. Even there, their roles are different – one is a reporter and the other is in marketing.

And oh, I forgot, they have the same name.

Well, this holy combination went charging off across half the city earlier today, getting medicine to a colleague's relative. I can imagine them – the quiet one driving, the less-than-quiet one talking at about nineteen and a half words a second. One unflappable, one anything but. One with a great sense of direction, the other who always needs to get her bearings from Dhaula Kaun.

But both willing to go out of their way to help a colleague who needed a spot of assistance. On a working day too. And I bet neither had second thoughts about what they were doing. I also bet neither thought that she was doing anything extraordinary. They are like that, you know.

At the end of it all, I am sure both were tired. Well, one of them definitely was – she sleepwalked her way through some ice-cream and was trying to sleep while standing in the Metro when I waved her goodbye (she insisted that she would get home in one piece by herself – and she did too). I wager the other one was just as tired. Although I reckon she would not show it. Nah, that's not her style. She is more likely to have just collapsed wordlessly when she got home.

Yep, an odd combination. Chalk and cheese. Writing and marketing. Calm and tempestuous. Curious and seen-it-all.

Both wonderful human beings. Both a pleasure to work – and just be - with.

Whatever happened to ... Bharat?

It is that time of the year when everyone starts thumping their chests and say how proud they are to be Indians. I mean, 15th August is around the corner and the Indian cricket team is finally winning something.

In the middle of all this, I have been wondering whatever happened to the official name of our country - Bharat. Suddenly, it is "India this" and "India that." At one level, this does not seem important - after all, both words represent the same nation. But dig a little deeper and well, there does seem to be some reason for concern. Is "Bharat" difficult to pronounce? Is it derogatory to a particular community (some people object to "Hindustan," for obvious reasons)? If it is neither, why on earth are we thrusting it into other languages too?

India was a term given to us by invaders - after the river "Indus." Bharat is a name that is totally Indian - inspired by one of the nation's greatest kings. So why on earth are we fighting so shy of using it? I am not saying it should be used in English communication but surely "Bharat" has a place when one is talking in Hindi or other Indian languages? Germans refer to their country as "Deutschland" when speaking in their native tongue, Italians call their nation "Italia" when speaking in Italian, why are we so fixated with "India" even when talking in Hindi? Why is a Hindi film called "Chake de, India"? Why does Shah Rukh keep bleating about "India" to a bunch of girls who clearly are not from English-savvy backgrounds?

Is it just a matter of time before they change the national anthem to "Jana gan man adhinayak jai he, India bhagya vidhata"?

Whatever happened to "Bharat"? Or do we prefer referring to ourselves by the name our invaders gave us? If the answer is the latter, then perhaps we need to wonder why we bother celebrating our independence day.

On the moon, and miles to go

Man has been to the big bright moon
And will be on Mars pretty soon

When did we last,
talk about love
or discuss the plight
of the white dove
When was it last we
Danced in the rain
Without the thoughts
Of the mundane pain

Man has been to the big bright moon
And will be on Mars pretty soon

When did we last,
Care about the orphan child
Did our sincere bit
To save the moribund wild
When was it last,
We hugged our old man
Loved him selflessly
with all that we can

Man has been to the big bright moon
And will be on mars pretty soon

When was it last
We listened to our heart
Enjoyed the titillating fragrance
Of a baking honey tart
When was it last
We gazed at the stars
With out a worry of
Gory human wars

Man has been to the big bright moon
And will be on Mars pretty soon

When was it last
We enjoyed the sound of silence
Stopped listening to the
News of aimless violence
When was it last
we peeped in to our soul
understood our priorities
And our true goals

We haven’t seen our own rock
Had time to take our own stock
We still don’t know what we are
The answers are still very far

Man has been to the big bright moon
And will be on Mars pretty soon

- "Ann"onymous

In a crowd. Alone.

Sometimes I feel so lonely...even when I am sitting in the middle of 5 people. It feels so strange as to how alone and frustrated one can be if one is not in the right company... or when there is no one with whom you can share your thoughts or even someone with whom you can have a light or casual talk. It feels so strange and awkward coming to the office, sitting with your colleagues, hearing them talk, sometimes even enjoying what they are talking about and still not being able to contribute to their talks...or give them a piece of your thoughts, or even pitch in some of your thoughts that could complement their talks.....

Oh God! I don't know if this is making any sense or not...don't even know what I am writing, but just felt like pouring my heart out....From the past few days or I can say a few weeks, I am feeling so lonely and left-out in the office, that I don't feel like sitting in my seat. My whole team seems so alienated or should I say I am an alien to them. They talk about everything sitting around me, share everything and even discuss issue, that are sometimes very interesting, but I am never a part of it....Maybe they think I am not capable of saying something or maybe I am not intelligent enough to be a part of their high-level talks. But I don't know, this is what I am...I cant change myself...though with the passing time I have tried and adjusted to various things, have tried to make myself flexible enough so that nothing bothers me (though I must say that is very difficult). I try very hard to show that nothing matters and I am happy in everything, be it any situation, but thats not the case always...sometimes it hurts!!

I guess all this happens coz I am different from others, or everyone else around me is so different. There is no one whom I can say shares my mindset or my way of living and enjoying life....I mean friends are ok...I mean they are good to a point of going out, having casual talks and all, but when it comes to close friends..there is practically no one in the office. Maybe the time is not right, or maybe all this is a figment of my imagination or maybe I don't want to talk to people, but I don't get it, as to why I feel so bad at times....I guess I don't have that attitude of going out of my way and having conversations with people, I would try once ..twice but not more... I don't or I should say that I can't take a step forward if I feel that the other person is not interested....then I just stop trying...n try to be as normal as possible. ...but sometimes it gets very difficult...

I feel that people don't understand me....frankly speaking I am too complex a person to understand...whats going on in my mind, what I write and then how I behave, everything is very different....no one, not even those close to me can ever know whats going on in my head and what my heart feels. I don't share my thoughts and feelings with people, thats why I guess they find me weired. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, I also do, but I cant...I am not that sort of a person, and I cant really talk much about myself...or should I say there is nothing much to talk about actually....

Why don't people call back?

I was recently swapping text messages with a friend of mine. I had been feeling a bit low and mentioned this in one of the messages. Her response was reassuring: "If you ever feel like talking, I am always there." I felt better for a while before I remembered something - I was sending her text messages because she almost never picked up her phone when I called. Worse, she almost never called back!

Which leads me to something that has always tended to fascinate me - why on earth do so many people not call back, especially when they get calls from those they claim are their friends? I can understand people not responding to text messages, but a call is surely more urgent. I tend to get very nervous when I miss a call from someone I know. My first impulse is: "I hope there's nothing wrong. I hope it wasn't urgent." and my next one is to immediately call back as soon as possible. Quite a few people clearly think differently.

I have no idea why this is so. Yes, we do live in busy times and yes, there are certain circumstances under which one cannot call back. But not calling back when you can well afford to do so is almost criminal. It reflects insensitivity and sometimes even contempt. I wish I had a penny for every time I tried to call a "friend" when I was in a spot of bother only for him/her to not only not pick up the phone, but also not bother calling back.

Mind you, there is a minority that still believes in getting back. One of my oldest friends insists on scrupulously calling back whenever he misses a call from me - he once called me from a sickbed in a hospital and once, bang in the middle of a press conference he was giving, apologising for missing a call because of all the noise! Some may call that overdoing things a bit. I rather like it.

The next time you get a missed call from someone you like, try calling back as soon as possible. They might be in trouble. Or they just might want to talk. Which, come to think of it, is sometimes just as important.