Can't help but laugh ;)

W ONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH...... FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK : ( and you would find out the same .. !!!! )


1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
------------ --------- --------- --------- -

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

4) Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
5) Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" Tech support : ##### ***
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____# ###
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
7) Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."
Tech support : ////----+++
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

8) Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

9) Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

10) Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

11) Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : @@@@@
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

12) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

13) Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"
Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support : "Well?"
Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support : *** ---- ++++
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support: :

...10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

...10 minutes later.

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

...1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -

15) Customer : I need a product identification number right now
Customer Care Officer : and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust : sure !!!!
CCO : could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Uff...the 21st century!!!

This is how our 'wacky' 21st century is:

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less

Think about it!!!

Counting my blessings

They say that when the going gets tough, one should always look at what one has rather than what one has lost. Well, I was sitting around feeling annoyed at a number of things that were entirely subjective - I thought some people had been silly, even though they had perfectly valid reasons for behaving the way in which they had. I was feeling a bit let down and frankly, irritated.

A prime time to count my blessings, I reckoned. So here's the list: (in no particular order, I hasten to stress)

• A loving mum who has seen me through thick and thin (and I am not referring to my weight problems).
• A trusting pair of friends who always seem to be around whenever I am in trouble for the last decade or so.
• Three wonderful people - one who always finds time for me and who I consider to be my closest friend, one who keeps my spirit going and always seems to see the good side of me and has been doing so for almost nine years now, and one who I have really met only once but who I already trust infinitely.
• Two lovely people who make me laugh no matter what happens - one with her utterly loony imagination, the other with his wit. Both trust me too - for whatever reason!
  
• Some people who think that what I write is worth paying for.
• A lot of people who actually (actually) read what I write.
• A cat who leaps down from the chair and rushes to greet me whenever I get home.(all right, she does that once in three days, but still....)
• A...

It works. I feel better already! Thank ye, all. Will work on completing the list the next time I feel down.

Feeling PROUD

It gives immense pleasure to see your best friend being appreciated by others. Isn't it? You feel elated and on top of the world. And today I am feeling the same. Nimish Dubey...my best friend, mentor and philosopher has been appreciated by The Hindu for his book 'Kesariya Bana' (see scanned copy below).

Thanks Nimish for making me feel that way and for making me extremely proud. Thanks again:)

Kesariya Bana- Appreciated by The Hindu

What I miss on Diwali

Most of my friends know that I am not too religious by nature. Yep, I do say my prayers every night and when in some stress, do tend to look upwards and mutter, “Keep an eye out for me, will you?” but apart from that, nah! I do believe that there may be an Almighty lurking around somewhere but frankly don’t think he or she (or it? Who knows?) needs major cuddling up from alleged devotees. I mean, heck, if you are the Almighty, you pretty much have it all, no? Why the blazes would you be concerned about someone praying to you – that too in a certain method or language - or not?

Anyway, I keep getting told by those who don’t know me too well about how much I miss out, especially on religious occasions, like Diwali. All I do is light some diyas with mum and then its back to my books (David Eddings’ Illenium, games (its Tomb Raider Legend right now) and music (Sting, currently).

Well, I decided to sit down this time and make a little list on what I was missing out on Diwali:

1.A larger electricity bill
2.Lots of smoke in the house
3.Lots of noise
4.Stacks of unhealthy food
5.Greetings from strangers
6.Greetings from people I wish I had not known
7.Gifts from people who expect something in return
8.Visits from relatives who otherwise forget my existence
9.Social occasions where everyone barely has time to talk to each other
10.A lighter wallet

Yep, there are going to be those who point out that I also miss a chance of meeting my friends and also on the sincere greetings that they might have given me. Know something? I don’t need a festival as an excuse to meet them. And as for the good wishes, they will give them to me anyway. Hey, they are my friends – they never wish me ill anyway. If they do, I will change their status!

So I am not sure I miss too much. Call me and anti-social atheist if you will, but hey, that’s me.

That said, happy Diwali, everyone. I might not celebrate it but sure appreciate your doing so.
Now, excuse me while I go back to Lara Croft!

Meeting someone familiar...for the first time!

Have you ever felt that you have known someone for months even though you have just met them? Well, I had that extremely strange feeling yesterday when I had a spot of coffee with a person I was meeting for the first time. Well, strictly speaking, I had met this person before – he or she had been part of a group I had interacted with last year. But we had never really spoken to each other.

Anyway, over the past few months, we had swapped a few lines of text back and forth on the Internet – via email and chat. And had spoken on the phone a staggering number of times – oh well, just once! Well, we decided to meet over a cup of coffee on Sunday.

Truth be told, I was a bit apprehensive. This was a person known to be extremely quiet and who often did not have too much to say. Now, add that to the fact that I myself am not a chatterbox myself and I was expecting something like half an hour of utter, and maybe awkward, quiet. You know, I was kind of sitting around wondering if I would have to sip coffee noisily to break the silence!

Was I wrong!

You see, I ended up yakking for the next TWO AND A HALF HOURS (bringing the person to within inches of death by boredom, I am sure). And it was spectacularly diverse conversation. Among the subjects covered were: Achilles' heel and how the blighter resembled someone from the Mahabharata; numbers and their implications on human destiny; the meanings of names, and yes, I am sure I talked about the idiotic behaviour of some of the people I had the (mis) fortune to work with. This, to a person I was seeing for the first time.

It was not as if I felt as if I had to impress this person or to make conversation. I just felt...comfortable. I felt I could say anything and get an honest response. And that does not happen too often with someone you have just met.

I don't know if we will meet again, but heck, I would just like the person to know that, for almost three hours yesterday, he or she made me feel more at ease than I had felt for a while. And also made me realise that I could talk non-stop for that much of time!

I do hope our paths cross again in the coming days. I promise I will be more silent this time, if that helps!

The importance of sincerity

Towards the end of last week, I tried a minor experiment – I went out of my way to be outrageously funny and comic. And well, I succeeded to the extent that I decided to stick to the new ‘format’ - you know, wave farewell to the brooding, serious chap that I generally am and instead be full of bright humour.

And well, everyone seemed to be delighted with the change, and kept remarking about how cheerful I now was and how nice it was to see me enjoying things so much, instead of loping around with a grim face.

But not one of my oldest friends - we go back all the way to 1998. When we were chatting on the phone a few minutes ago, she suddenly asked if I was all right and why I was behaving like a silly idiot!

“Well, I have just developed a keener sense of humour, ” I replied.

“Yes,” she replied. “But this is not you. And I know it. So knock it off, at least with me.”

“You don’t get it!” I bleated. “No one likes me being serious and broody. Even you keep telling me to lighten up.”

“I do, ” she snapped. “But I sure prefer your being sincerely mournful to being artificially hilarious. It’s a sad reflection on me as a friend if you have to put up an act in front of me.”

There’s a moral there somewhere, I think.

Who wants to be competitive?

Being competitive is such a pain.

Because you know, you are never really worried about yourself. Always about what the others are doing. Because competition implies the existence of other people – rivals, opponents, call them what you will.

It is not about what you do – it’s about what the other bloke does!

And it often gets out of hand. Because you are not trying your best, you are merely trying to be better than the other person. And you slowly find yourself living not as you wish but according to someone else. You change schedules, alter work styles, dress differently maybe...not because you feel like it, but because you want to counter another person.

It can get so bad that you resent the success of an opponent who might actually have put in more work than you did. It can get so awful that you get upset if one of your friends happens to prefers someone else’s company to yours or seems happier with someone else. It is about comparing gifts, phone calls, friends...

It’s a lonely business, being competitive. Your only real company is the person you are competing against.

The Lord save me from it.

Feeling lonely...

Sometimes one really feels lonely. You have people around but you still feel alone. There has to be a reason for it...Isn't it? But I have no reason. Iam happy and content, but still feel lonely. I have friends, well wishers...everyone around but I still feel a loner. Why? I cannot give you a reason even if you insist...because I don't know OR perhaps you can try to find it out for me.

Today afternoon I spoke to a very old friend Tanu..we discussed her new job, my new venture, her troubles, love life, her past and mine too. But during this conversation there came across the mention of someone I'd forgotten...or atleast tried to forget...Amu (as I fondly called her)..

To recall we didn't have a fight- like hitting or shouting at each other. Well, one day we just stopped talking. Just like that...didn't quite get it. We were best of friends, we were always together...apart only when we had our classes (she was a year junior to me)..we were together for 8 long hours and then on phone. We spoke about everything in life...EVERYTHING..but things changed suddenly. One fine day, I didn't get her call...neither did she want to meet me or talk to me. Why? I had no clue about it. Well, she didn't want to remain friends with someone who was depressed (i had a damn! good reason to be depressed). She wanted to be happy and staying with me made her feel horrible...only coz I was depressed for about two weeks? Temme don't I have the right to feel horrible at times? Am I not human? Didn't you ever feel depressed Amu?

I think she forgot her depressing times...the days when she would cry for hours and speak to no one except me and Tanu. Its easy to point a finger at someone...it seems. Just imagine..someone who claimed to be your best friend leaves you coz you are unhappy for a few days!

Some said I was a fool not to have known this. ..but do you take a bio data of a person before becoming a friend? You observe and then become friends..but then I did that too!!! There was nothing suspicious or wierd about her behaviour. And I had known her for more than a year! Am sure Tanu would agree on this.

But today she is no more a part of life. Well, but her leaving left an impact for sure...I stopped believing friends. I am with them but not with them. Today, I am sceptical to speak to unknown people, always wondering if they would do the same. I had always cherished the beautiful moments spent with her...but I realised that it hurt me more than bring a smile to my face. Her existence is still a part of my life but put behing closed doors..My conversation with Tanu re-opened these doors and long forgotten memories got ground again. I realised I still care for her and how lonely I am without her.

Today after two years I think back and smile at myself asking...have I got over the fear of losing people? Have I got over the insecurity I felt after she left? All these questions still seek an answer but I have no definite reply.

I want to laugh/ cry my heart out..but I can't..I have evryone around me but no one with me. And if there is someone..then certainly I'am blind. Am I mature or insane? I don't know..can you answer my doubts? Can you?

Its FRIENDSHIP

Its friendship when a person calls you by a stupid name
and never by your own name.
Its friendship when they are angry
but tell you they are busy and can't talk.
When they tell you everything about themselves,
even if it is embarrassing.
When they come to see you whenever they get a chance.
Its friendship when you fight with each other on stupid things,
And then end up laughing about it.

--Celebrate the best relationship in life...called FRIENDSHIP:)

The sweetest Gunda:)

Bidding goodbye

It feels terrible to bid goodbye, more so if it is someone very very close to you. I felt the same when I had to bid goodbye to my sister and her family…her husband and my 23 month old nephew- Roshan aka Kuttu. I just didn’t want to stop cuddling chotu or accept the fact that the house would be so empty without them. It was a feeling that perhaps could not be expressed in words. I couldn’t tell them how much I cared and missed them…even though I am horrible at keeping in contact. I don’t call them, neither do I mail too often but yes, if there is something I do...I miss them. How much I wish they could be here forever but I know its foolish to think that way. I will see them again sometime mid next year, apart from scrolling through Kuttus’ pics on his blog :) Well Di, just wanna say that I love you a lot and miss you.

Another one:)

With Friends:)

A memorable message

There are few things as painful as hearing a friend weep over the phone. You feel horrible and helpless – you cannot reach out and pat the person or give him or her a hug and say “It’s OK. I am there.” You cannot even see the tears. You can only hear a breaking voice, a slight sniffle and utter despair.

I immediately dropped everything I was doing – an editor is going to be mad at me but what the hell – and ran over to see her. She told me she was fine and would be OK but then, that’s what she would say. She’s that kind of person.

Fortunately, she actually seemed a lot better by the time I got there. The smile was back and we chatted of this and that and discussed all kinds of professional things. The tears were not mentioned. And as we walked back, I decided to drop into a cafe for a bite to eat. She hesitated for a while, saying she had to get back home, but joined me – she had barely eaten all day. We kept nattering about all kinds of things, heard some music (“Affirmation” by Savage Garden) and then trooped off into the Metro for the trip home.

We didn’t talk much about her crying on the phone. She seemed a bit tired, but not too upset. As I got off at my station and waved her goodbye, I wondered if my going to see her had been necessary. I mean, she seemed fine. Was I embarrassing her – after all, she was old enough to handle things herself? People get upset all the time.

As I was climbing the stairs to the next platform, my phone buzzed. I was a text message from her.

It is a message I am going to keep as long as I have a phone. One that I am going to treasure. And it comprised a single word and a punctuation mark.

“THANKS!”

And I smiled all the way...

I have a friend who works incredibly hard and is extremely dedicated. But she seldom gets credit for the work she does. I do try to tell her that she makes a difference, but she thinks I say so only to make her feel better. I think she is taken a bit for granted by far too many of her friends (and she has lots of friends – I stopped counting after 88). And somewhere that hurts her.

It hurts me too. And not just because she is a friend. But because it is so unfair.

But that might be able to change. I was walking back with one of my colleagues and suddenly – right out of the blue – she started praising this friend of mine. She said she was wonderful and creative and wasn’t it a shame that she almost never got the credit she deserved? She kept talking like this for a while.

And then she stopped and looked at me. And asked: “Why on earth are you smiling like that?”

I thought about trying to explain. About just how good it felt to hear someone you like being praised. Especially someone who deserved praise but seldom got it. But it was too difficult, so I just nodded and said: “Thanks,” and waved her goodbye. She must have thought I was crazy. So must have lots of people in the Metro – they saw someone smiling for no apparent reason.

You see, I was happy. Happier than I had been for a while.

All thanks to a friend who works incredibly hard.

Who says hard work doesn’t pay?

Feeling useless

Sometimes you feel useless. You might be doing well professionally. And not doing too badly on the financial front either. You might have stacks of people you can call friends. And yet some things can make you feel useless.

One of my friends was very upset in the evening today. Worse, she was quietly upset. She is not the quiet type. If anything, she is one of the most chirpy people I know, seldom at a loss for words. A person who makes places come alive. Even when she is upset, she normally makes her feelings known. And the Lord help you if she is angry.

But today, she was upset. And very quiet. I did not know why.

I tried cheering her up. She gave one smile. And went off to spend some time by herself.

And I felt useless.

Would she have felt better if I had told her how worried I was about her? Would she have felt better if I had told her that I thought she was one of the most creative people I have come across, in terms of generating ideas? Would she have felt better if I had told her that I really envied her ability to work hard, even when she did not get the credit she deserved? Would she have felt better if I had told her that she was one of the most honest people I know and a credit to her profession?

Or would it have helped to have told her that she is one of the few people who makes me feel strangely lonely whenever she leaves?

I don’t know the answers. All I know is that she was upset. And I could not cheer her up.

Sometimes you feel useless.

Because that is exactly what you are, if you cannot make a friend feel better.

I've learnt

I've learnt that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learnt that no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while, And you must forgive them for that.

True friendship continues to grow even over longest distances, same goes for true love.

That you can do something in an instant, that could give you heartache for life.

I've learnt that its taking me a long time to become the person, you want me to be.

I've learnt that you should leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you them.

That you can keep going, long after you can't.

I've learnt that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learnt that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is the passion soon fades away, And there'd better be something else to take its place.

I've learnt that hero's are the people, who do what has to be done, when it has to be done, regardless of the consequences.

Money is a lousy way of keeping score.

That my friend and I can do anything or nothing, And still have the best time together.

I've learnt that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you are down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

That sometimes when I am angry I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learnt that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,

it doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have.

It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you need to forgive yourself.

I've learnt that maturity has nothing to do with the number of birthdays you've celebrated,

but its more to do with the experiences you have had and what you've learnt from them.

That however bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learnt that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for what we become.

I've learnt that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other,

And just because they don't, it doesn't mean they do.

You shouldn't be eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever.

I've learnt that two people can look at exactly the same thing, and still see something totally different.

That your life can be changed in a matter of hours, by people who don't even know you.

I've learnt that even when you have no more to give,

When a friend cries out, you will find the strength to help.

I've learnt that credentials on the wall doesn't make you a decent human being.

That people you care about most in life, Are the ones taken away from you too soon.

Things will not be the same anymore

Life is a roller coaster ride. It has its highs and lows...I'd always known about it but never knew it could give both at the same time..I am happy as well as sad. I am rejoicing because Ive made a great career move but I am sad because to achieve that, I have to leave some people who are extremely close to me. I know they will always be there..in my conscience, at the back of my mind, in my smile but they won't be there physically. I won't see them regularly, spend the whole day with them..I will miss those petty fights, those hugs, those lunch hours and those lovely smiles :( The hours that formed the soul of our existence...the time we would look forward to, each day. Even though we didn't speak much during the whole day but atleast there was this comfort that we are together..but now things are going to change.

They keep telling me that we would still be together but its really not possible. Those daily meetings will turn into daily phone calls, the daily phone calls to rare visits and then to rare calls. And I don't blame anyone for it...it is not because we won't want to meet but because time wouldn't permit it. They will be busy in their sphere of work and I will get acquainted to mine. But I will feel really lonely..the Ann who could never sit on her seat for more than 15 minutes without seeing her pals will be spending days without them. Its scary to even think about it, even though its too early feel that way. I am trying to put up a really brave face but the fact is that I am scared. How will it be without them? What will I do without Suru, Raman and Shiv? Who would tease me or comfort me when I will feel all alone?

Today I decided that if things can't change I have to change myself..I decided that I would learn to make my on way, without they being at my side..I would learn to live alone. But things are not favourable. My first step failed..I went wrong...Pals I know I was wrong but I was just trying to do things alone..Hope you guys will try to understand what I am going through. I can't tell you but hope you will understand. Well, I've dared to move out from my comfort zone, and I hope all will be well.